Funny sayings to brighten your Monday

 

•  By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. – Socrates

• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

•    My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.   - Jimmy Durante  

•   I have never  hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

• Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine

• My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.   - Rodney Dangerfield

•    Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.   - Spike Milligan

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